Fiction Writer

When the Dance is Done

Photo by Fillipe Gomes on Pexels.com
Written for The Literal Challenge

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. STOP. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. STOP. One, two, three, four…if anyone could hear me counting in my head right now, they’d think I was crazy. Or at least somewhere on the spectrum. Anyone getting on or off the train might think I’m some kind of model. Or just another girl suffering from body issues who either eats too little or vomits too much. Or both. 

In reality, I’m a dancer. Specifically, I’m a ballet dancer, and I’ve been dancing since I was about eight-years-old. At first, it was the thought of wearing pretty, frilly (and often pink) garbs that drew me in. Then, I got really obsessed with the stories behind the moves. But eventually, like most other people I dance with, I just got obsessed. With perfection. With getting the best parts.

Tonight’s dance was mesmerizing, enveloping. And as I leaped and twirled and stretched lines with my body to impossible lengths, my mind filled with a joy and light I search for longingly everywhere else. I forgot who I was. Everything I knew before that dance melted away, and the unknowable future I always fear seemed like something distant and ephemeral. Like it would never touch me. Like I was safe.

The dance was now, and I honestly wished I could die as soon as it ended. Because I knew the obsession, the oppressive silence would wash away all that light and joy I felt on stage once the song was done. And I’d only be left with this incessant counting. 

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. STOP. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. STOP. One, two, three, four…if I’m not dancing, I’m living in a prison of my own making. Counting to the rhythm of a dance I wish I were in. Trapped in an existence I know I have to endure. There is nothing left for me but to dance and wish for death; and to stop and wish for peace.

Hello all. I am a full-time writer who is constantly trying to find her voice. I write fiction, non-fiction and poetry. These days I'm really into writing poems and short stories, but I like to dabble in all forms of writing. Please don't hesitate to leave me a message, to give me feedback on a piece you've read, to follow my page and to share my website with others. I'm really trying to grow as a writer and find my audience, and that will only happen through dialogue and connection! So I'm here and happy to engage with you. Have a good one, and hope to see you around here sometime.

2 comments on “When the Dance is Done

  1. Truly loved this piece. You have a great looking website too. Thanks for sharing!

    Like

    • Thanks so much for your feedback. I never really know how my writing resonates with others, so it’s good to have someone engage with me on my site. Hope you visit my site again sometime soon. 🙂

      Like

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