We Reach the End
The last few months of school were hell on Earth to say the least. The bullying continued with vigor at school, and Isabel got smarter. The bruises left on me at that point were ones that could not be seen, but they cut just as deeply, if not deeper than any physical aggression I experienced beforehand. She caught on to what I was doing after the last incident with the fish. I quit all of the things I loved in school, all the things that I had been using as an excuse for why I came home with so many bruises. I thought that if I at the very least quit soccer, my parents would catch on and start connecting the silent anger between me and Isabel at home with what was happening to me at school. But, as I said, Isabel caught on too quickly.
As my pain became more internalized, so did her torture. If I thought the fish letter and snarky notes were hurtful, I had no idea how far her reach actually was. Text messages, emails, memes, nasty messages on bathroom walls. I was completely immersed in a world that didn’t want me, that I increasingly didn’t want to be in. After a while the pain became so acute, like breathing in rough shards of ice. And the effect was such that I began to go numb so that the pain would have less power over me, and there was only one solution once that healing balm took over. I hoped that Isabel would afford me that much.
I went back to the park where it all started, where the end of our sisterly kinship tore apart with the sound of screeching tires and terrified screams. And I waited for my perfect moment. No one seemed to notice the stone-still figure standing on the sidewalk, tears silently streaming down her face, waiting for a large enough car to come speeding down the road.
When I saw it, every atom in my body knew this was it. There was no fear, no turning back, no second guessing. I took my step forward to meet the unsuspecting car, knowing there wouldn’t be enough time to swerve out of the way. I would come full circle and die in this misery, and Isabel’s greatest wish would finally be granted.