Poetry Writer

Symptoms of Self-Hate

Sometimes, I just feel this way. No rhyme or reason. Just a belief deeply buried into my subconscious that I can't quite rid myself of.

Photo by Davon Michel on Pexels.com

Call me 
the artless wonder:

Who strives 
to create
something, 
anything 
of value
of merit 
of consequence 

Something 
that touches 
things unseen, 
yet keenly felt 

Something 
that probes 
and examines 
and changes 
what you value 
what you cherish

You. 

But as I said, 
I’m artless, 
a lackluster creator 
rarely motivated, 
lacking conviction 

(Or maybe consistency?)

And also I lack
courage; 
all those words 
that start 
with a hard /k/ 
and remake 
you into
some hero 
some cape-wearer 
some defender 
someone Incisive and 
Earth-Shattering and 
Bold and 
Mind-Blowing

Someone. 

But as I said before
I’m artless. 

So even 
hoping 
to be more 
to be me 
to be heard 
to matter
feels fake;
because 
I don’t create

Honestly, 
I’m convinced 
that I merely
imitate…

I am an artless imposter.

Hello all. I am a full-time writer who is constantly discovering her voice. I write poetry, personal narratives and short stories. I'm always open to reaching and connecting with new readers, so leave me a comment or question. Let's start a dialogue! Don't forget to follow me here, on my Twitter/Instagram (@exisflor) and YouTube Channel (Alexis Attempts to Write).

2 comments on “Symptoms of Self-Hate

  1. Deborah Porter-Walker

    The first time I read this I read it for the words…the 2nd,3rd and 4th was in realisation that this poem needs vocalising, needs reading aloud either to oneself or better still as a performed piece of poetry. Excellent x

    Like

    • Thanks Deb! I really appreciate the fact that you almost always leave me a comment. It really makes my day. I think I’m working up to a point where I’ll read my poems aloud (maybe even facing the camera), so that they can be heard aloud instead of just in your head….soon I think x

      Like

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