Poetry Writer

How I Grew

What are the wants behind the wants you vocalize?

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I grew up 
in a timid silence, 
a bubble of being 
that was full 
of longings 
and needs 
and hopes for 
being heard. 

I grew up 
behind walls, and 
a locked door 
where I cried 
and cursed 
and wondered 
what it all 
was for. 

I grew up 
in empty rooms 
and lonely hallways, 
where footsteps 
were rarely heard 
and laughter 
was smothered 
before it could 
make a sound. 

Now I’m all 
grown up, and
I ask myself:  
what is it, really
that I want? 
(Most of the 
time, I just 
don’t know 
the answer.)

But when I 
think back on
and remember: 
that 
timid silence, 
those walls 
and locked doors; 
when I remember 
the feel of  
those empty rooms 
and lonely hallways, 
then— 
I realize. 

What I want 
is to be seen 
and heard. 
What I want 
is to matter. 
What I want 
is to laugh 
and cry right 
out in the open.
Where everyone 
will see. 

And I want 
to find 
other people 
who think back 
on how they 
grew up; and 
who feel their 
hearts pounding, 
throats closing, 
and try so 
desperately to 
suppress 
the tears.

I want to 
find them 
and hear them; 
and have them 
hear me too. 
And I want 
them to know
they matter. 
And I want 
them to join 
me out here 
in the vast 
Openness 
of Freedom, 
and Truth 
and Life. 

Without 
any 
silence.

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